we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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