what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
