You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
