I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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