If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
