True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
