woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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