Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
