and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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