why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
