i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
