Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
