I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
