Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
