But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
