She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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