HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
