I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I believe in your delicious
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
