I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
