I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
