i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
