Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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