if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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