The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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