Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did I show you my penis last night?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
