I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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