Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
