shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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