There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
