Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
