My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
