Pappa wants mamma naked
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
