So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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