Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
