We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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