So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
