I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
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We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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