I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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