She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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