is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
