Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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