i think i have two assholes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
