I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
