You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
