I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i think i just lost a toe
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
