I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
