Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
