Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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