So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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