If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
