She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
