Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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