Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
how drunk are you?
Several
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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