I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i think i just lost a toe
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
