hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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