I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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