she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
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How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize