hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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