So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
