Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
