I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
