She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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