Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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