This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
