SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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