I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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