Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
