shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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