you guys were way drunker than both of me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
