Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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