Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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